The Aurora Effect
by Ancient101
Summary: When fighting in a war which has no end in sight. It's easy to forget what you have, until it's ripped away from you. This is a Yaio fic so don't like don't read! Disclaimer inside.
1. Chapter 1

Hi Everyone my first M!shep/Kaidan fanfic!

WARNING THIS IS A YAIO SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEN...DON'T READ! Song by Barbra Streisand called In the wee small hours of the morning. If you want to listen to it while your reading the lyrics. www . you tube watch?v=IDHrs-ocWpw&list=FLopNVcfDH58Cz-SyvnM_ZEQ&feature=mh_lolz

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE PLOT!

Enjoy :-)

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A sullen face stared out into the empty void of space. The only sound that could be heard was the hum of the engines and the creaking of the bulkheads.

Normandy-SR2 was travelling through F.T.L towards the Citadel. The different shades of blues and purples filled the darkened room, the colours reflecting across the polished surfaces.

Major Kaidan Alenko stood leaning against the observation window lost in memories. An exhausted sigh passed his chapped lips, glancing over to the small clock sitting next a lamp.

02.03am.

"Shit, is that the time?" mumbled the Major. Sleeping hasn't been easy for the spectre, it's gotten a lot worse ever sense coming back from Thessia. That was four days ago. Every time he closed his eyes he could hear the battles being raged around him, the screams of the fallen Asari. Reaper forces tearing their way through any defence the Asari put in the way. Just as the sounds of battle would die down, an loud ominous sound erupts out of nowhere. Massive bug like machines descend from the sky, another blast of that ominous sound stabbing fear and despair into the local resistance. As more and more of the Reapers landed it signalled to all those who were fighting.

Thessia has fallen.

"Still not sleeping Kaiden?" came a low voice ripping the biotic out of his depressing thoughts. Turning to face the man he has admired from the very first mission on Eden Prime.

"Hey, Shepard. What are you doing up?" he asked trying to sound normal while holding back a yawn. Shepard just stood their leaning against the door, piercing blues eyes adsorbing every detail of the one person who kept him going over the years. Kaiden was his drive to stop Saran and Sovereign, the one night they spent together, the one night which made him feel complete was with Kaiden.

Even now as he watched the man he loved, he could still remember the way they moved against eachother. The small keening noises coming from the LT's throat turned the commander on even more. Feeling their biotic's flaring against one another, as the pleasure increased so did their biotic's.

That was all cut short when the Collectors attacked, everything happened so fast. Fire and explosions happening all around, with Kaiden standing there arguing about staying with him.

"_I'm not leaving here with out you." stated Alenko defiantly, staring right at him. It was taking him every ounce of control not to grab him and kiss the Lieutenant. He knew in his gut that there was a high chance that he may never see Kaiden again._

"_I said get to the escape pods. That's an order." he shouted authoritatively, ignoring the dull ache in his chest. Kaiden flinched ever so slightly at the tone, but being the obedient solider did as he was told._

"_Aye, Aye." as soon as those fateful words left his chapped lips, a dead weight settled in his queasy stomach. When Shepard looked around hoping to still see his lover standing there waiting for him, all what was in his place was raging fires._

From there on after everything was a blur, getting Joker to the escape pod, hearing Jeff shouting his name as the force from the weapon sent him backwards. Spinning uncontrollably in the weightlessness of space, watching helplessly as Normandy plummeted towards the frozen world below. Alarms and lights peeped and flashed loudly inside his suit warning him of ruptures, franticly trying to stop what precious oxygen remained from venting out into space.

Images flashed before his cobalt eyes, his entire life seemed to face before him. All his hopes and dreams, everything he succeeded in and all his failures. The world around him began to fade...

_Kaiden..._

"Hey, John." a soft voice brought the commander out of his depressing memorise. Electric blue eyes met glistening amber ones full of worry. It took the Vanguard a couple of seconds to relies, tears where silently trickling down his cheeks. Wiping the offending tears away wondering why the hell the tears came from all of a sudden. Catching a glimpse of Kaidan's soft brown eyes, a warm feeling filled his aching heart.

"John..." tentatively Kaidan closed the gap between them, only a foot away from each other. Time seemed to stand still, as if they were the only beings in existence. John's fight or flight instincts were kicking in, there was soo much he wanted to say to the smaller male, but couldn't.

_'He looks so handsome...There so much I want to say to you Kaidan, but I can't.'_

"Kaidan.." whispered Shepard.

"Yes, John?" breathed Kaidan, as he draw even closer. His eyes darting briefly to those chapped lips he craved to kiss again. A wet tongue slipped across his own cracked ones. Cobalt eyes followed the fluent movement, before looking back into the rich pools of emerald.

"I-I err..." finding the words getting stuck in his throat, Shepard inhaled a sharp breath before saying;

"I'm sorry." with that he moved away, not even daring to spare the Major a look as he fled the observation room. Reaching the elevator, John punched the button to his cabin.

Kaidan just stood there watching Shepard leave without another word, or glance. A dull ache began to spread through his heart, bowing his head as warm tears slid down his tanned cheeks. Clear droplets fell like rain onto the polished floor.

_'Do I really mean nothing to you..'_

The moment Shepard was in his cabin, his biotics flared violently. The more his anger boiled, the more his biotics flared.

"GRRRR" an intense mass effect glowed around his clenched fist. Spinning around on his heel, he punched the nearest wall, which was his fish tank. As the biotic enhanced punch connected with the glass, Shepard was launched back by the sheer force of the blast. Both tanks exploded outwards sending millions of pieces of glass everywhere, droplets of water splattered over every surface in the room. Shakily Shepard got to his feet, holding onto one of the selves for support. It took him a few seconds to crack open his electric blue eyes, taking in the destruction of his fish tank. All what remained was a few staggered bits of fish and glass. Anger and annoyance he shouted at himself;

"Way to go _John_! What are you going to do next? _Shoot_ yourself?" kicking his desk chair.

"_Commander, are you alright?"_ asked EDI over the com. "_I detected a spike in your biotics, along __with multipliable biosignatures, scattered all around the cabin._" taking a deep breath Shepard replied;

"Everything fine EDI." looking at the now destroyed tanks. All traces of anger evaporated almost instantly, "Well...I'll be needing a new tank, and some fish." he stated rather sheepishly.

"_Understood Shepard. ETA just under six hours."_ replied EDI's crisp voice.

"Thanks." sighing loudly, allowing himself to fall back on to his king size bed. Time passed as he just laid there staring through the skyline, his mind wandering back to Kaidan.

_'Why can't I simply tell him that I love him?'_

_'Fear. That's what. You're afraid to love, because you couldn't bare it if anyone died.'_ answered a distant voice.

_'I suppose, I couldn't bare it if I lost Kaidan or any of the others.'_ craning his head he looked at his clock sitting on a bed side table. 03.26 am.

"Am I going to get any sleep?" he groaned out, rubbing his eyes tiredly. A defeated sigh escaped his chapped lips, with the slightest movement his omni tool activated. Pressing a few symbols, static filled the cabin instantly. Wincing at the intensity, he fumbled quickly to pick up a signal, after several attempts the signal cleared up. The music started to drifted it's way to his ears and the soft melody and meaningful words went to his heart.

When the sun is high in the afternoon sky  
You can always find something to do  
But from dusk till dawn  
As the clock ticks on  
Something happens to you

In the wee small hours of the morning  
While the whole wide world is fast asleep  
You lie awake and you thinking about the guy  
And never even think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned it's lesson  
You'd be his if only he would call  
In the wee small hours of the morning  
That's the time you miss him most of all

As the piano played a beautiful solo, Shepard walked over to the picture of Kaidan. Tentatively, he picked up the picture staring at the man he loves. Unknown to him, Kaidan was slouched against the cabin's door. Tears were streaming down his tanned cheeks, falling like rain onto the polished floor underneath. His once rich chocolate brown eyes were now red and full of emotions. No matter how much he whipped at his eyes, the tears they still fell.

When your lonely heart has learned it's lesson  
You'd be his if only he would call  
In the wee small hours of the morning  
That's the time you miss him most of all

Just as the final verse was sung, a small noise caught John's attention, putting the photo back in it place, he walked towards the door. The moment he reached the sensors limit, the door sprung to life revealing an empty corridor. Sapphire eyes searched the empty corridor for any signs of anyone being up there. Finding no evidence he walked back in, feeling empty, he couldn't put his finger on why.

Knowing that he wouldn't fall asleep anytime soon, he submerged himself into the mountain of paperwork which seemed to be ever growing.

"Shepard, wake up." came a soft voice, gently nudging his shoulder. An incomprehensible grunt answered the Asari. Again she nudged him a little harder, still Shepard didn't make get up. After several more harder jabs, in the end she walked into the en suit, finding a empty container and proceeded to fill it up with ice cold water.

"This is your last chance _Shepard_, wake up now or I will pour this cold water over you. _Your_ chose." threatened Liara, holding the container over the biotic's head.

"You wouldn't _dare_." murmured John, knowing the Asari wouldn't. He couldn't be more wrong.

_Splash!_

The moment the freezing water connected with him, he went rigid from the coldness and the shock of what Liara did. He could feel droplets running down his back.

"I told you." stated the young maiden smugly. "We're about to dock at the Citadel. Also Kaiden seemed to be rather reserved this morning." she mentioned casually, as she studied the commander.

"Ohh." was all the man could say as he took off his soaked top. He knew she was dig for answers and he wasn't gonna give her any. Still her unwavering gaze watched him as he walked into the bathroom. Moments later the sound of running water could be heard. This had become a common thing between them, Liara would wait outside for him while he showered, sometime conversing. This morning was no different;

"So why does your fish tanks look like they exploded for?" she asked, eyeing the shattered pieces of glass and fish.

"I have no idea why." the lied flawlessly making eye contact with sceptical ones. EDI said something about too much pressure." he stated nonchalantly, as he shrugged his shoulders. Nothing more was said no the matter, an uncomfortable silence followed.

"I'm hungry, let's eat "breakfast". If you can all it that." he mumbled as he finished putting the standard turtle neck top. Liara simply rolled her blue eyes at him;

_'He really hasn't changed'_

"Liara, you coming?" asked an amused commander. A faint blush spread across her cobalt cheeks, earning a chuckle from the other man. Not trusting herself to speak, after being caught, so she nodded her answer. With that they both made their way to the mess hall, to have "breakfast".

"_Attention all personnel. Docking with the Citadel in five minutes." _announced joker over the com.

_'This is going to be along day.'_ thought John as he made his way to the mess.

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Thanks for reading :-) Please review or PM either is fine by me :-) Thanks again.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi Guys Chapter two woop woop!

Disclaimer: Same as chapter 1.

Enjoy!

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The Citadel. The heart of Galactic civilisation, home to the Council and to millions of people of different species. Joker docked the Normandy flawlessly, shutting down systems only keeping necessary ones on. The one thing the crew always looked forward to was shore leave, the only time they could forget about the annihilation of countless worlds at the hands of the Reapers.

Breakfast was the same as always, military rations: grey nutrient paste, and fruit bar which tasted like cardboard. But the company wasn't, usually Kaidan sat with him along with Garrus, Tali and Liara. This morning only Garrus and Liara sat with him getting their sorry excuse for food. Neither one spoke during the meal, Shepard could feel Garrus's eyes watching him intently as though trying to get inside your head.

"So Shepard. I bumped into Kaidan this morning while he was coming out of the elevator." stated the Turian watching the commander closely.

"Oh." was his only reply. His mandibles twitched showing his temper was getting the better of him.

"Yeah. Was there a reason as to why he'd been crying?" the sniper couldn't help but feel smug as he knew he got somewhere. When Shepard heard that he stopped what he was doing for a split second before continuing eating the grey paste.

"No. I have no idea where he was crying."

"Don't bullshit me Shepard, I know you did something to him." snapped Garrus angrily, his anger finally boiling over. Having enough of the conversation, John dropped his spoon, ignoring the spatter of grey matter on his uniform. Pointing his finger at the sniper, his eyes hardened.

"I didn't do anything to him Vakarian, so I suggest you stick your short, flat nose into someone else's business, and out of mine." spat the biotic angrily getting up from the table abruptly. Garrus doing the same, neither one was backing down.

"Well obviously you've done something, you hairless space monkey, otherwise you wouldn't of got so defensive about it!" retaliated Vakarian, his eyes narrowing, his hand balling into a tight fist. Liara was watching it all unfold mentally sighing;

_'They're both block heads. If they end up having a fight and my new suit gets ruined, the mess hall is going to be newly painted.'_ her eyes travelling to the floor and to the curved ceiling, then to the two arguing. _'Yes I think a nice shade of Shepard for the ceiling and a nice blue of Vakarian for the floor.'_

Unknown to their teammates more disturbing thoughts, both Garrus and John were near enough at each other throats. In a matter of a second Garrus was punched hard in the face sending him onto the floor, Shepard vaulted over the table rounded on the Turian. Getting up off the floor the sniper meets the commander half way, giving the human a right hook. Liara just sighed while the two punched the shit out of each other. Standing up, she rubbed down her suit getting the creases out of the white jacket. A crowd formed around the brawling pair, egging them on, some even taking bets on who would win and lose.

"Right." the Asari cracked her fingers, relishing in the feeling. With a mere thought her body pulsed blue, as if by magic the crowd parted, leaving a clear path to the fight. "Right, I'm giving you one chance, either you stop fighting or the mess hall will have a fresh coat of 'paint'. Your choice." the threat falling on deaf ears.

"Fine." in an intense two mass effect fields enveloped the brawlers tearing them apart. Before either could react, Shepard was launched towards the ceiling and Garrus being squished into the floor. Both were cursing up a storm but shut up pretty quickly when they were pushed closer to their respected surfaces.

"Now, you are going to stop this fighting." her sapphire eyes moving back and forth. "Then you are going to apologies to each other."

"I'm _not_ apologising to that stuck up, pointed teeth arsehole!" shouted down John, after managing to turn his face to the side instead of faced down.

"I would rather kiss a Krogan than to apologies to that arrogant, over confident, hairless monkey!" growled out Garrus trying to get out of the field.

"Well then a new coat of 'paint' for the mess hall then." emphasising by pushing them against their surfaces hard until they gave in.

"OK, OK I give just stop before I have no ribcage left." breathed out John, finally conceding to defeat. However a muffled chucked came from the floor.

"Something you find amusing Garrus?" asked a sickly sweet voice, a shiver rippled down his spine. Ignoring the tone of the maiden's voice, he continued to laugh;

"Hahaha, I can't believe that the _Great_ Commander Shepard conceding defeat to a Turian!" it was short lived when Liara pushed him further into the floor. "I give! I give!" smiling to herself she extinguishing the mass effect fields. The moment they went, Shepard plummeted to the floor, landing on something soft.

The mess hall was quiet, a pin drop could be heard over the deafening silence. All eyes were on the bundle of legs and arms.

"Oww." groaned out the commander, trying to get his bearings. All he could do was listening to the steady beat coming from the floor. Breathing in deeply, a rich scent of soap and aftershave assaulted his nostrils.

_'Hmm, where do I know that smell.'_ he thought as he buried his face closer to the warmth below him. _'This reminds me of how Kaidan always smells after a shower...'_

Dark Sapphire eyes snapped open, realising his face was resting in the crook of the major's neck. Slow he moved as not to startle the younger man, until their noses were a few millimetres apart. Conflicted ecru eyes gazed into unreadable azure ones, everything seemed to dissolve as they looked into each other's eyes.

"Kaidan..." every fibre in his body was telling him to kiss the man underneath him, but his head was telling him no.

"Commander..could you get off me please." asked the biotic looking everywhere except the object of his desires. Hiding the disappointment effortlessly, Shepard got off the Major. Once up he extended out a hand, which the Major took.

"You can let go off my hand now Shepard."

"Ohh, sorry." letting the brunette's hand slid out of his. A small frown formed on his brow, as he realised just how much he was missing the warm feeling.

"Alenko." the biotic waited for the Major to turn around, which he did. "I was wondering..if you haven't made any plans or anything. Would you like to accompany me to the Nazera ward, as I hear there's several new shops, including a model shop." he asked with a flicker of hope in his chest.

"I'm sorry Commander, but I've already made plans today." looking at the digital clock above the tables. "Which I'm currently running late for." not saying another word the brunette left, leaving a rejected commander.

"_Commander. A shuttle is waiting to take you to the Nazera Ward."_ announced Joker over the com.

"Understood Joker. I'll be there in five minutes."

"_Yeah, you might want to hurry up before they get really arsy."_ commented the pilot. John looked over at Garrus and Liara, thinking of asking them, but the question died on his lips.

"I'll see you guys at Flux as normal. Nineteen hundred hours." with a mock salute, he left his friends. When he was out of sight and out of earshot, Garrus turned to Liara;

"He really needs to come clean with what's really bothering him, otherwise he's going to lose Kaidan for good." Liara simply nodded her head in agreement, the gears in her head twirling.

"I think, I have an idea. It's a long shot but if we could get them into a room together, then maybe just maybe they will talk to each other."

"A good idea in theory, but you know them as well as I do. And there is no way in hell they'll talk, they're more likely to beat the shit out of each other."

"Why do they have to be soo, damn, stubborn! Men!" shouted Liara, as she stormed to her room. The Turian laughed at his teammate unable to keep the smile from his face.

_'She's such a mother-hen.'_

Kaidan walked along the Presidium Commons were he was meeting up with Tali. The world around him seemed to move past him like smoke.

_'I thought we cleared everything up when I was in the hospital. I laid there and asked him all those questions which were eating away at me. Not once did he lie to me..'_

His current train of thought was cut short when he collided with a small person.

"Sor...oh hi Tali." greeted the Major as he regained his balance.

"Is that how you greet people? 'Oh hi Tali'?" teased the young Quarian. "It seemed you were lost in your own little world." Kaidan gave his friend a small smile. "Alight out with it Alenko. Why are you so down for? The only time your like this is when it involves John."

"Why does everyone keep saying that! My life doesn't revolve around him!" snapped the brunette, all the tightly held emotions, began to slip from his grasp. Tali involuntary took a step back at the sudden outburst.

"Sorry, I didn't know it really bothered you that much?" stated the Quarian, held up her hands in a surrendering gesture. Hearing that, the sudden burst of emotion evaporated leaving regret at snapping at her.

"There's no need for Tali, I'm the one who should apologise." hazel eyes locked with the shielded ones. "Can we go somewhere more quiet and secluded." quietly pleaded Kaidan, ecru eyes barely holding back the regret he felt.

"I know the best place. _No one_ knows about this place." softly stated Tali, as she took Kaidan's within hers. A small smile graced the Biotic's chapped lips.

_'I'm really lucky to have you Tali.'_

Twenty minutes passed by as the pair weaved in and out of the hustle and bustle of the crowded wards.

"Tali, where are you taking me?"

"You'll see." she replied in a playful tone. Even with the mask on, Kaidan could practically hear the smile on her face. Five more minutes passed, the corridors becoming less populated until they were standing outside a wall. Letting go of the Major's hand, the engineer walked up to the wall. The brunette stood there watching with curiosity as to what she was going to do next. With a simple wave of her hand, a small section of the panel retracted before sliding up, revealing a set of circular crystals.

"Right, let's see if the code is same as last time..." muttered Tali as she began to press the crystals in a particular order. Each one she pressed made a beeping noise, finally pressing the last crystal in the sequence it made a confirmation sound.

"There." turning she walked up to the confused major. "I want you to close your eyes, and keep them close. I mean it Alenko." doing as he was told he closed his eyes. Once Tali was satisfied, she slowly guided the major towards the wall.

It was the weirdest thing the brunette has ever done in his career, or his life for that matter. Being guided towards a solid wall was on top of that list. As he drew closer, muscles began to tense in anticipation on colliding with the wall. But it never came, every hair stood on end as he passed through it as if it was smoke.

"OK, open your eyes." came the command from infront of him. Doing as he was told, hazel eyes opened taking in the dark room. Lights blinking into excistance, covering every inch in a soft glow.

The room itself was massive; the walls were draped with banners of dark reds and blues, with a white symbol in the centre of each of them. Decorative, but unusual pieces of art littered throughout

"What is this place?" asked the major in awe, hazel eyes drinking in very last detail of the room.

"This belonged to a race of human like beings, who were wiped out hundred-fifty thousand years ago. Three cycles before ours." answered the young admiral striding towards the other end of the room.

"Why did you bring me here, Tali?"

"For this." what seemed like another wall, in fact it turned out to be a window spanning from one end to another.

"Oh..my.." before him, spires upon spires, stretching as far as the eye could see. Traffic flowed steadily between the buildings as if the life force of the Citadel. "It's beautiful." stated Alenko, awe struck at the simple beauty of the place.

"It is, isn't it. We get so caught up in the world around us, that we never really notice the simple things in life." quietly observed Tali.

A comfortable silence settled between the two, as they watched the world go by.

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Thanks for reading :-) please Review/PM either is fine by me! thanks to all those how do, they make me smile :-)


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